I have ignored this blog and come back declaring my good intentions to post regularly SO. Many. Times. I'm like the Chicken Little of blogging. I put on my 42 by 42 list that I'd blog 52 times this year. Uh...epic fail. I have posted a grand total of EIGHT times since that last pronouncement, leaving juuuust a few more to go if I decide I really want to cross this off the list. Maybe...maybe not. I don't think anyone really reads this (except Jaymee - hi!) and I have to ask myself who I'm writing this for, anyway.
I read so many shiny happy blogs of amazing women that are making and posting amazing photography and scrapbooking and DIY projects and have beautifully decorated homes and seemingly amazingly perfect relationships and are writing witty blog posts all the while whipping up gourmet meals and finding time to put the elf on the shelf. It's easy to feel like I have nothing to say that compares. Compared to what? I just need to remind myself to keep my eyes on my own paper. That first of all it's easy to mold your online life into looking amazing if you only post certain parts of your life. But even so, it's really not about that. It's about me feeling like I can't or shouldn't or don't want to post what life is really like so instead I stay silent.
My word for this year is true. This is the year where I discover my true voice. Follow my true heart. Live the life I truly want to live. I fear judgment and long for approval. Not the most conducive circumstances to voice my feelings where they can be known and judged. This will be my challenge this year. To just put it out there. People may not like my decisions. Or they might. It shouldn't affect my life either way. This is my life and it's about time that I owned it and enjoyed it to its fullest. And they people who may fall away because they don't like me or my decisions never really loved me anyway...not the true me. So anyway. I'm back. At least for this post.
I'm going to try to post more. I'm going to try to be kinder to myself. I'm going to try to figure out who I am, exactly. What I want to say. Stay tuned. Or not... I'm writing this life for me. : )
i love YOU
Posted by: Jenny Ward | January 30, 2012 at 07:51 PM